The Tekken Horror Picture Show
by oreo-panda
Summary: The infamous cult classic, as performed by Tekken characters. Warning: Harsh character bashing, terrible plot, and men in drag.


Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken or Rocky. I'm just a pathetic teenage girl who spends too many days glued to her PS2 and too many nights at Rocky Horror showings.  
  
* * *  
  
Wedding bells ring. Julia and Hwoarang exit the chapel, and everyone throws rice at them. Julia chats with a group of women while Hwoarang and Jin step aside to talk.  
  
Jin: Congratulations!  
  
Hwoarang: Thanks!  
  
Jin: Boy, it's about time you two tied the knot. You and Julia have been almost inseparable since you first met at Heihachi Mishima's King of Iron Fist Tournament!  
  
Hwoarang: Well, to tell you the truth, she was the only reason I showed up for the fourth one!  
  
Jin: Wait, I thought I was the reason you showed up.  
  
Hwoarang: Uhh...  
  
Director: Jin! Stay in character!  
  
Jin: Oh, yeah. Sorry.  
  
The two men turn their attention to the bride.  
  
Julia: Okay, guys! This is it!  
  
She throws her bouquet, and, to no one's surprise, Xiaoyu catches it.  
  
Xiaoyu: I got it! I got it!  
  
Hwoarang: All right, Jinny Boy! Looks like you could be next!  
  
He punches Jin lightly on the arm. Jin's eyes flash red, and he decks Hwoarang, causing him to flip over backwards. The screen quickly cuts to television snow.  
  
Announcer: We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. We apologize for any inconvenience.  
  
Cut back to the post-wedding scene.  
  
Xiaoyu: I got it! I got it!  
  
Hwoarang: All right, Jinny Boy! Looks like you could be next!  
  
He barely pokes Jin's shoulder with his index finger. Jin pokes him back. Hwoarang backs away quickly and takes a running dive into the "Just Married" limousine after Julia. The car rolls away, and the wedding guests all chase after it waving until it is out of sight.  
  
Anna: *blows her nose* I always cry at weddings!  
  
Nina: That's because you're too much of a whore to have one of your own!  
  
Anna: Hey! Look who's talking, skin-tight slut!  
  
The camera quickly cuts away before a catfight begins.  
  
Xiaoyu: Oh, Jin, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Julia look radiantly beautiful? Oh, I can't believe it. Only an hour ago she was plain old Julia Chang, and now! Now she's Mrs. Hwoarang... Mrs. Hwoarang... what the hell is his last name?!  
  
People exchange glances, but no one seems able to answer the question. The director finally gives Jin a "go ahead" signal.  
  
Jin: Yes, Xiaoyu. Hwoarang's a lucky guy.  
  
Xiaoyu: Yes!  
  
Jin: Why, everyone knows Julia's a wonderful little--  
  
Xiaoyu: JIN!  
  
Jin: Cook! I was gonna say cook, I swear!  
  
Jin pulls a copy of the script from his back pocket and points.  
  
Jin: See?!  
  
The director runs onscreen. He grabs the script from Jin and thwaps him over the head with it before quickly running back behind his loyal cameraman.  
  
Lee: *refocusing the lens* Why me?  
  
Jin: Uhh...  
  
Director: Propose, you dolt!  
  
One can practically see the lightbulb over Jin's head click on.  
  
Jin: Hey, Xiaoyu!  
  
Xiaoyu: Yes, Jin?  
  
Jin: I've got something to say.  
  
Xiaoyu: Uh huh?  
  
Jin: I really loved the... skillful way... you beat the other girls... and the guys too!  
  
Xiaoyu: Excuse me?  
  
Jin: You know, in the tournament!  
  
Director: IN CHARACTER!  
  
Jin: Oops.  
  
Xiaoyu: *sigh* Just start the song already.  
  
Lightning crashes audibly, as it so often does in movies, and Jin starts to dance.  
  
Jin: It's been a long time that I've known you, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: There's been lots of parks that we flew to, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: I don't want to live without you, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: I've one thing to say, and that's ooh-woo, Xiaoyu, I love you!  
  
Xiaoyu buries her face behind her hands, shaking her head sadly.  
  
Jin: I like all your clothes and your hairdo, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: There's a fire in my heart that smells like you, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: I want to hear you say, "I do," Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: I've one thing to say, and that's ooh-woo, Xiaoyu, I love you!  
  
As Jin kneels in front of her and pulls a Ring Pop from his pocket, Xiaoyu plasters on her best fake smile. The sound of him fumbling with the plastic wrapper can be heard with the following couple of lines.  
  
Jin: Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker!  
  
Jin: There's three ways that love can grow!  
  
Jin: Hug, then kiss, then... poke her!  
  
Xiaoyu reluctantly takes the candy slides it onto her finger.  
  
Jin: Oh, X-I-A-O-Y-U... wait, there's too many letters...  
  
Xiaoyu: Oh, I just don't know where to begin, oh Jin!  
  
Xiaoyu: You said lots of stupid things again, oh Jin!  
  
Xiaoyu: But I need this job, so I'll give in, oh Jin!  
  
Xiaoyu: I've one thing to say, and that's Jin, you win, I'll marry you!  
  
Xiaoyu: Oh, Jin!  
  
Jin: Uhh... ooh-woo!  
  
Xiaoyu: You win!  
  
Jin: Oh, Xiaoyu!  
  
Xiaoyu: I'll marry you!  
  
Jin: And then we'll screeeeww!  
  
Jin+Xiaoyu: Man, I hate whoever wrote this script!  
  
Jin: Say, remember back when I first met you, Xiaoyu?  
  
Jin: Years ago when we were both in high school, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: Let's go tell them all what we're gonna do, Xiaoyu!  
  
Jin: I've one thing to say and that's ooh-woo, Xiaoyu, I love you!  
  
Jin: Ooh-woo, Xiaoyu!  
  
Xiaoyu: Oh Jin, you win!  
  
Jin: Ooh-woo, Xiaoyu!  
  
Xiaoyu doubles over coughing and wheezing, almost drowning out the next line.  
  
Jin: I love yoooooooouuuu!  
  
Xiaoyu's eyes roll back in her head, and she faints. Jin catches her and, after glancing around, shrugs and kisses her unconscious lips.  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: Well, here's my first attempt at a parody fanfic. Flame me if you'd like, but come on, it was just begging to be done. 


End file.
